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Eleanor Maccoby: The Two Sexes:
growing up apart, coming together
(Belknap Press: 1998)
“This book is about sex
(or gender) in the broadest sense: about how an individual’s
development from infancy to adulthood is affected by being either a
male or a female..... In many respects, males and females take quite
similar developmental paths. But, in some important respects, their
paths diverge.... When boys and girls are engaged in social play, they
congregate primarily with others of their own sex during the preschool
and middle-childhood years, and different childhood ‘cultures’ prevail
in these gender-segregated playgroups.... Every known human society has
rules and customs concerning gender...[and] the cross-cultural variety
is enough to make it obvious that biology is not destiny, even though
the differentiated reproductive biology of the two sexes is something
that every society weaves into its gender definitions in some way....
In the past several decades, the dominant perspective has been that
gender is socially constructed...[but] the socialization account has
not proved adequate...[as] we now know that there are powerful
gender-linked phenomena that...cannot be understood in terms of
sex-linked personality traits, or dispositions inculcated in each
individual child through the process of socialization. Rather, they
require us to shift our focus from the individual to the dyad, or
larger social group, [as] sex-linked behavior turns out to be a
pervasive function of the social context in which it occurs. This may
seem like a truism...but when it comes to the differentiation of male
and female behavior, we can now go beyond simple contextual relativism.
We can point to a specific aspect of context which has broad relevance,
and which indeed is cross-culturally universal. It turns out that the
relevant condition is the gender composition of the social pair or
group within which the individual is functioning, at any given time.
The gendered aspect of an individual’s behavior is brought into play by
the gender of others.... I invite the reader to consider the
possibility that much of the work that has been done on individual
sex-typing - for example, on the acquisition of ‘masculine’ versus
‘feminine’ traits - will turn out to be essentially irrelevant to the
[much more powerful] gender differentiation that depends on social
context. This differentiation is a powerful phenomenon in need of
explanation.”
(Maccoby, pp.1-12)
A groundbreaking work, ignored by the popular imagination in favour of
far less accurate/useful approaches to development and gender, Eleanor
Maccoby’s The Two Sexes (1998)
synthesized and extended an emerging consensus that we’d, quite simply,
been looking in the wrong place for gender difference. Trouble was -
and is - that the predominant strand on both sides of the ‘debate’
(more like a slanging match, usually) was/is basically wedded to an
individualist model of personality...rather than one in which social
context is central. This, as Mary Douglas has noted, is in essence a
founding assumption w/in mainstream psychology...thus condemning most
of the very best work/traditions - see post-Vygotsky developmental
psychology, basically all forms of social psychology, and Merlin Donald’s evolutionary psychology
- to peripheral status w/in the discipline...in favour of work which is
markedly inferior in both concept and evidential support.
A cruel, but fair assessment...I think.
“If one thinks about
group differences as a comparison of the average scores of males with
those of females on some measure of individual personality
dispositions, the contrastive framework has indeed been outgrown. But,
if one thinks of groups as entities which have their own dynamics,
their own cultures - properties that pertain to groups as groups, and
are not describable in terms of the characteristics of the members -
then the contrastive framework remains both useful, and necessary. It
may be the case - probably is the case - that a small number of central
or leading children are much more active than others in establishing a
group’s culture. Yet this does not change the fact that all members of
the group must find ways to adapt to whatever the group culture is....
We should not assume, however, that the two sexes are entirely
disconnected from one another in childhood. Boys and girls are
intensely aware of each other, and there are changes with age in the
nature of the cross-sex interactions that occur, and in the way
cross-sex contacts are perceived and managed.”
(Maccoby, p.58)
“Of course, writers
have not always meant the same thing when they talk about ‘masculinity’
and ‘femininity’. We can distinguish at least three meanings: 1. A
masculine or feminine person is one who embodies the characteristics
prescribed by the male or female sex roles in that person’s society
[favoured by social scientists].... 2. A masculine or feminine person
is one who exemplifies the characteristics that have been shown to
differentiate the sexes [favoured by psychological scientists].... 3. A
feminine woman is one who is, and strives to be, attractive to men, and
a masculine man is one who is attractive to women.... [And, clearly,]
individuals who can be considered quite ‘masculine’ or ‘feminine’ under
one of these definitions may not be so under another.”
(Maccoby, pp.6-7)
As should already be clear by this point, Maccoby may not be an
exciting writer, but she’s eminently clear...and an extremely astute
analyst of both conceptual and experimental design. As such, after so
many books on gender filled w/poorly-designed experiments - matched
w/wildly over-inflated claims from both the left and the right - it’s
downright refreshing to encounter an author who can cut through the
crap, and explain exactly why
we see a gender divide, when the results on virtually every form of
character trait test reveal extremely small gender differences on
average and - even more important - a (literally) vast area of
overlap...where most of the two sexes reside.
Here’s the facts, for a change:
“There is a powerful
tendency for children to segregate themselves by gender in childhood,
and to play more compatibly with same-sex partners.... It first begins
to show itself in the third year of life - with same-sex preference
being shown somewhat earlier in girls - and progressively strengthens
until it is strong indeed by middle childhood....The tendency of dyads
or groups to be gender-homogenous is much more robust than average sex
differences on measures of the usual dimensions of individual
difference.... After the first few years, boys appear more active than
girls in bringing about, and maintaining, the social separation of the
sexes.... It is important to note, too, that even among children who
very seldom play with children of the other sex, there is considerable
variation in how much they are involved with children of their own sex.
Some children do not have a best friend of either sex; some may have a
best friend but avoid taking part in larger-group activities.... Still,
they typically do not violate the implicit rules of childhood
concerning the separation of the sexes.”
(Maccoby, pp.29-31)
“In some ways, ages
five-eight may be the most ‘sexist’ period of life. At this age,
children tend to be ‘essentialists’, in that they usually do not
attribute sex differences to environmental causes, but believe they
simply follow from being either a male or female person.... And at this
time, gender stereotypes are quite rigid, and children see deviations
as from them as positively wrong ,
not just misguided. Furthermore, children of this age make predictions
about the characteristics and preferences of children they don’t know,
almost entirely on the basis of those children’s sex, ignoring other
available information that might tell a different story.”
(Maccoby, pp.169-70)
“Racial segregation is
also seen in cafeteria seating patterns in ‘integrated’ schools, but
the lines of separation by gender are stronger, so that if most of the
seats are taken, and a child must choose...cross-gender avoidance
prevails.... [Similarly, in] informal groupings in an ungraded
school...[where] there were many more opportunities to...interact with
others older or younger...cross-age mixing was much more common than
cross-sex mixing. Indeed, between the ages of eight and eleven, the
median percent of social time spent with children of the other sex was
zero.”
(Maccoby, pp..24-7)
“The phenomenon is
seen...in advanced industrial societies, as well as traditional
preliterate ones, [and] it is also fairly resistant to change.... It
would be a mistake to conclude, however that [it] is not subject to
influence from cultural and subcultural conditions, [as] there is
considerable variability among different settings in the degree to
which segregation occurs. For example, it has been reported that
children are more likely to play with a child of the other sex in
their residential neighborhood [or in private] than at school....
Whiting and Edwards, in their cross-cultural comparisons, note that
boys make especially strong efforts to dissociate themselves from
women, in societies where men have considerably higher status....
Perhaps it would be most accurate to say that there is a strong bias in
every society for children to be drawn toward playmates of their own
sex, but that societies and subcultures differ in terms of whether this
bias is supported and extended through social attitudes and
arrangements, or counteracted.”
(Maccoby, pp.27-9)
The Two Sexes is
divided into three sections, the first - as above - detailing the facts
of the matter, the second exploring the main causal elements (all of
which, by the way, Maccoby factors in, in various ways), and the third
a discussion of the impact of what we’ve found later in life. Of these,
I think the first is undoubtedly the strongest...as the evidence does
not really allow for any other explanation: the real meat of the gender
divide lies here, and certainly not in individual character
traits...whether these are seen as inherited or acquired. As Maccoby
notes, even masculine aggression is very much context-driven, and so,
hardly fits the accepted pattern of a genuinely robust aspect of
personality...
“Among children under
two, no sex differences were seen in the frequency of [agonistic]
behavior. In the third and fourth years, however, girls dropped off
notably in the frequency with which they displayed [such] behavior,
while in boys, the frequency was not only maintained, but somewhat
increased...so that...the frequencies were twice as high for boys as
for girls.... We are accustomed to thinking of boys’ aggressiveness as
a personality trait...but we must keep two facts in mind: first, most
boys are not aggressive, in
the sense of possessing a consistent personality disposition that
involves frequent fighting...and, second, boys almost always choose
other boys as their targets for aggression...[which is] better seen as
a property of male dyads or groups, than of individuals.... [And while]
we do not have a very reliable mapping of the frequency with which
rough play and fighting occur at successive age periods through
childhood, what evidence we do have suggests that it declines through
middle childhood. Indeed, for most boys, the peak frequency may be
reached at about the age of four...[and] in middle childhood, male
competitiveness undergoes a structural change: boys in their larger
groups tend to organize their competitive play in the form of
structured games.... [Moreover,] interaction among girls is by no means
free of conflict, and recent studies have pointed to a distinctively
female element in conflictual behavior - relational aggression ....
The frequency of alienating tactics among girls increased sharply with
age, from about one tenth of conflict themes in the fourth grade to
over a third in the seventh grade, [while] these tactics were almost
never mentioned by boys in their interviews.... [However,] it is worth
noting that the sex difference in direct aggression is greater than
that for relational aggression, in studies where the comparison can be
made.”
(Maccoby, pp.35-40)
“The stories told by
children of the two sexes diverge sharply. Girls’ stories were focused
on social relationships, and frequently dealt with the maintenance and
restoration of order in these relationships, [while] ‘home’ was an
anchoring locale, and characters were shown moving away from and
returning home. The boys, by contrast, did not portray their characters
as members of stable social groups, but rather as individual characters
linked to each other through their actions. Their stories focused on
struggle, conflict, and destruction, with the resolution depending on
physical size and power.... [Moreover,] the heroic-agonistic themes of
boys’ stories, and the social-relationship (domestic, familial) themes
of girls’ stories are clearly isomorphic with the themes...that are
enacted by boys and girls in their spontaneous pretend play.”
(Maccoby, p.43)
“It’s clear that boy’s
groups and girl’s groups have somewhat different agendas, a major
difference being that boys seem to be much more intensively involved
than girls in issues of dominance and the maintenance of status. This
difference can be seen in styles of discourse, and the fantasy themes
of pretend play, as well as in the behavioral modes of enacting and
resolving conflict.... [And,] in some respects, [the two cultures]
appear to be nearly as divergent as segregation itself. The
incidence of rough-and-tumble play, and of fighting (though this is
infrequent, even for boys), is much greater in male groups...[and] with
respect to the themes enacted in fantasy play, the two sexes are also
quite divergent, though perhaps not so strongly as in rough-and-tumble
play. When it comes to styles of discourse and conflict resolution,
however, gender divergence is probably narrower...[and] my hypothesis
is that boys’ discourse styles diverge from the female pattern
especially strongly when dominance issues are at play; otherwise, the
styles...may be more similar.... Boys do differ, however, with respect
to how involved they are in the activities of the primary boys group,
and...certainly by the time children have reached middle school, one
sees the formation of subgroups along lines of mutual interest....
Among girls, such groupings are not so clear. The main basis for
distinction among girls appears to be popularity, [and] the ‘top girls’
are the ones who are style-setters: they know how to dress and take
pains about their grooming. They are competent managers of social
activities, while being ‘nice’ to others, [and] they wield social power
in the sense that they can influence which girls are ‘in’ and which
‘out’ of the popular category. And, as puberty approaches, they are the
girls who are viewed by other girls as popular with boys.”
(Maccoby, pp.56-7)
The evidence re ‘borderwork’ - the ways in which the two sexes interact
at this point - are equally fascinating...and perversely funny, at
times. And, although she doesn’t mention “girls’ - and boys’ - germs”
by name, the thought is clearly there...
“Despite the fact that
children of both sexes are powerfully oriented toward others of their
own sex...the forces drawing boys together, and involving the exclusion
of girls, appear to be stronger than the own-gender forces binding
groups of girls...[with] girls more open to association with boys, more
willing to listen to and interact with them.... Girls tend to be
interested in masculine - as well as feminine - activities. Boys,
however, seem to play mainly to a male audience. In their toy and
activity choices, preschool boys are concerned with not appearing to be
girl-like. They tease or reject other boys who do girl-like things...or
play with girls, and reinforce their male playmates for male-typical
behavior; girls, by contrast, are usually unconcerned about tomboy
behavior in another girl.... Clearly, an essential element in becoming
masculine is becoming not -feminine, while girls can be feminine without having to prove that they are not masculine.”
(Maccoby, pp.51-2)
“A girl, for example,
typically spent no time playing in a dyad with a boy, and no time in a
situation with two or more boys in which she was the only girl. She
either spent her play time entirely with girls, or spent a portion in
situations where...boys were involved, but in which at least one other
girl was present. The mirror-image situation prevailed for boys....
[Moreover, it is] not the
case that certain individual children consistently preferred to play
with children of the other sex, while most did not. Rather, it was as
though there were a few situations in which children knew it was ‘OK’
to play with a child of the other sex, and in such situations any child
would do so, while in the majority of free-play situations, cross-sex
play was not OK, and no child would do so.”
(Maccoby, pp.79-83)
“Although boys’ groups
and girls’ groups monitor their member’s contacts with the other sex,
such contacts are not altogether forbidden.... The basic principle
seems to be that a child must not display an interest to be in the
company of an other-sex child. If cross-sex contact is to occur, there
must be some element in the situation that makes it clear that the
contact was not voluntary. Sroufe and colleagues provide evidence that
some children are more active than others in maintaining gender
boundaries, and enforcing gender ‘rules’. They further report that the
children who do this are generally competent and popular, [while] the
children who most often violate gender boundaries...are especially
unpopular.... On playgrounds, segregation is the rule, but cross-sex
interest and attraction are nevertheless covertly present. Such
attraction often manifests itself in the form of sexualized taunting
and gossip. Yet the children themselves erect barriers against
cross-sex attraction, and behave as though they are enforcing a taboo
on cross-sex contact for the very reason that such contacts have sexual
implications.”
(Maccoby, pp.70-3)
If the opening section is the most engaging - despite Maccoby’s
(impeccable) soc-sci-speak - the intellectual heart of the book is the
middle...for it is here that she demonstrates an almost uncanny ability
to deflate the wild overstatements and poor experimental design that so
bedevil the question of causation re gender difference. And, in their
place, she - quite simply - reminds us that it is possible to do science in this area...
“One thing we need to
have in mind from the beginning: there is probably no single primary
cause for the complex phenomena described [above]. There is surely a
complex causal web whose components feed into each other.... For
example, although biological and social-shaping forces are discussed
separately, it may be that societies adopt the stereotypes and roles
they do in part as an accommodation to biological forces. And
biological forces are themselves sometimes responsive to social
conditions, [whilst] gender cognitions, too, can hardly be independent
of other factors.... We have seen that the tendency for children to
choose same-sex playmates has its beginning some time during the third
year of life, and becomes progressively stronger between the ages of
three and six. It is reasonable to expect, then, that there may be a
limited set of factors that get the tendency started in very young
children, but that these factors are then supplemented (or even
replaced) by other factors as children grow older. Once same-sex social
groups have begun to form, we may find that some of the factors that
caused the sexes to separate in the first place operate to produce
distinctive styles of interaction...[although] there may, however, be
new factors emerging from group processes that were not present when
segregation first began. [And] it is important to pay attention to the
timing and sequencing of possible causal factors.”
(Maccoby, p.78)
“In considering
same-sex preference, we are not dealing primarily with a personality
dimension, but with something that distinguishes children...on the
basis of their membership in one of two distinct categories: male and
female. The point is an important one, [as]...phenomena which are
strongly sex-dimorphic call for binary explanations. Some biological
factors fit this requirement. So do any aspects of
socialization...where nearly all girls are treated one way, and nearly
all boys another. So do some aspects of gender cognition, such as the
knowledge that one is either a male or a female. But other, popular,
kinds of explanation, such as within-family pressures on boys to be
assertive, or girls to be compliant, fit the requirements much less
well.”
(Maccoby, p.84)
“As we consider the
three major components in the explanatory web - biology, socialization,
and cognition - it will become apparent that the different components
do not bear equally on the phenomena to be explained. The biological
component will be especially relevant to segregation itself, though it
will also bear upon interaction styles. The socialization component
will be more relevant to playstyle compatibility and the
differentiation of the cultures that prevail in male and female groups,
[while] the cognitive component will bear upon both these phenomena.”
(Maccoby, p.88)
To take one example...rather than simply accepting the validity of
cross-primate comparisons, Maccoby rather directs our initial attention
to the (exceedingly strong) developmental parallels in precisely this -
gendered - area...clearly the most relevant evidence to the general
case. And, although I do not have space to set out the full argument,
she also makes judicious use of a recent proposal to break up the
evolutionary behavioral continuum into types of action in different
size groups...albeit seeing this as suggestive, rather than conclusive,
given the state of the evidence.
And arguably, if anything, her attitude towards evidence is overly
strict...meaning that when she makes a case forcefully, the impact is
redoubled - given the context. And this, sadly, is becoming a much less
common virtue (even in science), in this era of relentless
self-promotion...
“Although humans,
monkeys, and apes are all primates, they are obviously vastly
different. Is there any reason to think that research on other primates
is relevant to humans? I think we must take this work seriously, for
two reasons: First: the sex-differentiated behavior patterns of
interest here - the much higher incidences of rough play in young
males, the greater interest in infants on the part of young females,
and the preference for same-sex peers as playmates - are very similar
in humans and nonhuman primates. And, second, the work with human
children, limited though it is, does point to prenatal priming
processes in humans that are similar to the processes that have been
pinpointed more precisely in monkeys.... [Interestingly, such priming]
mainly predisposes children of the two sexes to respond somewhat
differently to specific kinds of social stimuli, rather than generating
general temperamental differences.... [On the other hand,] rates of
maturation are very similar...but recent studies suggest that there are
at least two areas of growth where the two sexes may have somewhat
different timetables. One is language development, and the other is the
development of inhibitory capacities that underlie emotional
self-regulation. In both these areas, there are scattered, intriguing
findings pointing to faster maturation for girls, in the second and
third years of life.... On the basis of this...we can begin to
understand why girls would be the first to establish a clear preference
for female playmates.”
(Maccoby, pp.114-16)
“When children are
about age five, some gender divergence appears in the size of
playgroups. Girls play in smaller groups, and more of their
interactions with peers occur in dyads.... Boys, by contrast, spend
more of their time in [larger groups...and, so] the two sexes...may
differ in evolved behaviors that are appropriate for functioning in
groups of different sizes...[for] we cannot expect behavior in groups
always to have its roots in experiences individuals acquire in dyadic
relationships.... [Unsurprisingly, therefore,] when children are
playing alone, sex differences in activity levels are minimal. The
differences appear primarily during play with peers...[so] we can see
high rates of activity as a consequence (or, at least, an intrinsic element) of male-male play, rather than a
cause of male playstyles.... [Moreover,] undercontrolled boys are not popular with other boys, while for both boys and girls, children who
are ‘constructive copers’ tend to be popular with their peers.”
(Maccoby, pp.96-112)
Maccoby has nothing but (polite) contempt for the radical reductionists
at both ends of the nature-nurture “debate”. And so, just as she - to
my mind, correctly - situates biological causation within the mix, so
too does she cut down to size the shibboleths of social
construction...in particular, the massive overestimation of the role of
parental socialization re gender difference:
“Childhood culture is
different from adult culture in many ways. Childhood culture is far
more gender-segregated than is adult culture, [while] the content of
children’s games is passed on from one generation of children to
another, not from adults to children. And interaction styles are
different, too: especially among younger children, interaction is more
‘physical’ (particularly among boys) and briefer than it is among
adults. We may expect to find, then, that there is much that happens in
children’s playgroups that probably will not be best understood as an
outcome of socialization pressures exerted by adults. When we try to
understand the impact of adult socialization agents...the next point to
remember is the fact...that, in many respects, adults treat children of
the two sexes in very similar ways.... We do not see [in the modern
West], then, a process in which parents are fostering the development
of different global sex-typed personality traits in sons and
daughters...[as] most of the differences in parental reactions to sons
and daughters are small.... [However,] when it comes to the interaction
styles that develop in all-male versus all-female playgroups, in-home
socialization probably has a greater impact...[and] the content of
children’s play obviously derives from the scripts that their adult
culture provides...[whilst] peers may be more effective carriers of
social change than the parent generation.”
(Maccoby, pp.144-50)
“‘Same as me’
categorizing [has] powerful effects. The social psychologist
Tajfel...showed that when people believe that they share membership in
a group, several predictable things follow: there is an attraction to
in-group members, preferential treatment of in-group members, greater
value assigned to in-group members, and a kind of homogenization of the
out-group - out-group members are lumped together, and thought to have
a few predominant characteristics, while members of the in-group are
seen as more varied, more differentiated. Tajfel was able to show these
effects when group membership was experimentally created on the basis
of quite trivial shared characteristics, [so] we can only assume that
sharing a gender category would be much more powerful.”
(Maccoby, p.155)
“Children’s formation
of a core gender identity, and their knowledge about the gender of
others, begin to take form about the same time that they begin to
prefer same-sex playmates...[however, this also] probably comes at the
same age for children of the two sexes, although...boys may be able to
match the gender of self and others at a somewhat younger age. The
achievement of gender identity, then, does not explain the fact that
girls display same-sex preferences at a younger age to boys.... But,
although achieving gender identity is surely not the only factor in the
emergence and maintenance of gender segregation, it must contribute...
[Meanwhile,] it is worth noting that only a modest preference for
associating with others who are ‘same as me’...can result in
substantial segregation [via cumulative positive feedback effects]....
We do not know how early these own-sex biases begin to take effect,
[although] probably they are not especially powerful at the time that
same-sex preferences first appear.... Quite possibly, in-group favorite
initially develops as a consequence ,
rather than a cause, of children’s associating more with members of
their own sex; but, once developed, the sense of group identity that
emerges from same-sex association further reinforces segregation.”
(Maccoby, p.155-86)
As Maccoby notes, chicken-and-egg questions turn up all over this work
- an open invitation to pre-cooked assumptions, but a veritable
minefield for someone genuinely concerned about the truth. However,
careful reading of the whole of the evidence does allow many causal
chains to be clarified, whilst others remain in the realm of pure
co-evolution...in which there is, quite simply, no real causal priority
to be established. And, it’s entirely refreshing to read a
distinguished scholar who fully accepts this fundamental point.
“Asymmetries in gender
cognition match quite closely the behavioral asymmetries...the greater
cohesiveness, greater distinctiveness, and greater exclusiveness of
male groups.... [On the other hand,] there is no evidence that children
must develop cognitive asymmetries before they show behavioral ones.
The two kinds of processes seem to develop in synchrony, and may be
seen as two sides of the same coin.”
(Maccoby, p.185)
“The fact that boys and
girls generally have the same stereotypes concerning what are
‘masculine’ or ‘feminine’ activities does not lead them to have the
same playmate preferences. Obviously, children of the two sexes find
different things attractive in a peer, and this makes it unlikely that
it is the stereotypes per se that are driving the preference. This
conclusion is strengthened by the research showing that individual
differences among children in their gender stereotyping are unrelated
to how strongly they prefer same-sex playmates.”
(Maccoby, p.184)
Eleanor Maccoby’s The Two Sexes (1998) was/is a landmark in both developmental and gender studies,
re-orienting the field around those emergent same-sex playmate
preferences which harden into the bi-cultural world of childhood that -
with local variation - makes every human society into one divided by
gender. Whilst the last third of the book, on the adolescent &
adult world (which I have only excerpted below) is interesting &
suggestive, the earlier sections are conclusive in their demonstration
that we have been looking in the wrong places for the real differences
we sense between men and women.
Read before Deborah Tannen’s You Just Don’t Understand (1990)
- already reviewed on this site - Maccoby’s work shows how the strong
differences in communicative cultures Tannen explores arise...and it
also supplies much which was scanted (for lack of space) in Katherine
Nelson’s magisterial Young Minds in Social Worlds (2007). And, what’s more, there’s no real substitute - especially in
the fraught fields of gender - for Maccoby’s honesty, clarity, and
scholarship. Now, if we could just get her to a wider audience...
“The forces impelling
the two sexes to occupy separate social spheres do not cease operating
in adolescence and adulthood. Despite the powerful pull of heterosexual
attraction...people continue to maintain same-sex friendship networks
throughout.... And gender-based separation is strongly present in the
workplace.... Cultures range all the way from those practising
seclusion of women...to modern industrialized societies, in which many
adult couples go out together, and spend their social time with
mixed-sex groups.... But, even in these more modern societies, things
change when children are born.... It is tempting to speak about the
similarities between childhood and adult patterns of interaction...but,
interactive styles are not carried over intact...[and] adult contexts
differ in terms of how much and whether these repertoires are called
upon.... And, there are situations in which a childhood repertoire may
actually need to be inhibited.... When adult couples become parents,
the modes of interaction they employ with their children show some
clear parallels with the interaction styles of their childhood. Mothers
develop more reciprocal, more intimate relationships with their
children, and tend to avoid confrontations with them, just as they did
when interacting with their girl friends when they were much younger.
Fathers deal with their children in a more imperative mode, but also
play roughly with them, and engage them in light-hearted banter and
teasing - modes of relating which also bear the stamp of...the male
peer groups of childhood.... Issues of power become more complex when
two parents together exercise authority...[and] I believe the great
range of variation in co-parental authority indicates clearly that this
is an aspect of male-female relations that is not inherent in our
biology in any deep sense.... [However,] from the standpoint of
achieving gender equality, the story that has been told in this book is
sobering. It seems evident that we will not be able to make much
progress...simply by giving little boys dolls to play with, or giving
girls gender-neutral names and dressing them in blue jeans.... [And,]
in the end, there is no reason to expect that men and women will want
to make exactly the same choices about the way they invest their time.
But, there is every reason to work toward equity in power and
resources, so as to make each sex’s choices as free as possible.”
(Maccoby, pp.298-314)
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